Remember the wind...again...

Remember my post about wind? If not, go check it out. It's like my second post. This is the continuation of that on-going story of remembering the wind.


It was almost exactly two years after that day I went running. I was having a really rough time in life. My boyfriend of that time (well, then ex-boyfriend, I guess) had broken up and I was devastated. He had been my best friend too. When we broke up, my world was honestly shattered. Something I'm not particularly proud of, but it's true, is that my whole identity was rooted in him, in us. As long as there was an "us", I could be okay. I knew who I was because of our relationship. (I now know how I should first have my identity rooted in the Lord, but perhaps that's a topic for another post.) Anyway, so we broke up and I was having a really hard time with it. I decided to go for a run. As I am a creature of habit, I went on that same route that I usually take, the same one as two years earlier. I had my iPod in, probably because I didn't feel like thinking that much. But it started to drizzle a bit, so I put it away. Even though it soon stopped drizzling, I kept my iPod away. God was trying to get my attention. So I followed along. I started up a conversation. After a while of not feeling God at all, I finally started asking some really impactful questions. I started getting some answers.

God, how could I have not noticed that relationship was bad for me? How did I not notice he was treating me like that?

You see the good in people.

I see the good in people. Yeah, I do. Why can't that good I see come out of them? Why didn't it come out of him if I see it there?

It's not for you to bring out of him.

Okay, maybe it's not my job. But I can stand by him and believe in him.

I believe in him.

Oh...
.......................
...but God, why my best friend? Why did you have to take away my best friend?

I want to be your best friend.

God, that last one. It sounds like something I would make up for you to say. I'm not sure that one was really you. Oh man, what if I made up this whole conversation? God, are you really there? What if I'm talking to the air?
...And God...why my best friend? Why did you take away my best friend? Please...

Suddenly, a gust of wind.

Remember the wind.

I was on the same corner that I had been on two years earlier where I had fought with God about the wind.

I stopped running.

I stood. Amazed.

Okay, God. Thank you.


In the moment, you may not realize why you're going through something difficult. But God will use it later to help you through something even harder.

I hated going through that experience. But I can tell you that now, I am so glad I did. It has helped me in ways I can't explain. It also reminds me that down the road, this difficult time in life will be used for good. It also shows me that God is true to his promises. What was once hard is now my strength for new hard times.

God is good. God always has been good and always will be good.

Church is ruined...

Yesterday I was sitting in my Systematic Theology class. My professor (who is brilliant) made a comment that really caught my attention. He said, "you know, the more you study theology, the more church is ruined for you. You start nit-picking it apart."

What a profound statement!

And you know what? It's completely true. Since I started studying here, I've found myself finding flaws with pretty much every church I go to. I will pick apart all the small details of its worship service. I find myself imagining how I could make a church so much better because I'd get all those little details of theology right that people forget. I even wrote down some of my ideas.

Now, there is some good to that -- having good ideas for a church.

But seriously, how insanely arrogant of me!

I thought I could do better than all these adults who are smarter and have had more experience than me. Maybe they're even doing certain things for very good reasons and I just am not aware of it.

Getting back to finding myself picking apart every church I go to...

I thought something was wrong. Wrong with me. Wrong with the church. Wrong with The Church. Just something was wrong.

Then my professor said that...and boy was that a relief! It's not that something is wrong with me or the church. It's just I'm studying theology and am suddenly more aware of certain doctrines and so forth that I never knew about before.

But, finding these things wrong with the church, what do I do with that? Is the church completely messed up and going down the tubes?

No.

The church, while being inspired by the Holy Spirit and following God through his son, Christ Jesus, is, indeed, a human-run institution. Being such, it is flawed -- because humanity is flawed. Hence why we need a savior and redeemer. We can't do this on our own. Anything wrong with the church is just another testament to the fact that we need the salvific work of Christ Jesus on the cross and in the empty tomb more than anything.

I think that's a much better perspective on the flaws of the church.